Title: “A Little Light Where the Sun Don’t Shine”
I never thought I’d start a blog post with the word penis three times in the first sentence, but here we are. Life, like a well-aimed laser pointer, has a way of surprising you when you least expect it.
The other day, I was deep-diving into one of my usual late-night rabbit holes — you know, the kind where you start off researching “how to cook salmon in an air fryer” and end up googling “penis projecting laser pointer” at 2:47 AM with a bag of Cheetos in your lap and no dignity in sight.
And the worst part? I wasn’t even that surprised by what I found.
Apparently, there’s an actual market for penis-shaped laser pointers. Yes, real, handheld, battery-operated devices that combine two of mankind’s greatest innovations: lasers and… phallic humor.
This isn’t satire. This isn’t The Onion. This is capitalism at its most ahem erect.
Naturally, I had questions. Who makes these? Who buys them? What do they point at? Are they FDA approved? Could one accidentally blind someone at a PowerPoint presentation titled “Q4 Market Trends and Growth Projections”?
More importantly: What does this say about us?
Because here’s the thing. When you strip away the neon lights, the gag gifts, and the Amazon reviews (which, by the way, are a literary genre all on their own), what you’re left with is a deeply bizarre reflection of society’s relationship with masculinity, humor, and the need to shine—even if it’s with a literal shaft of light coming from a plastic dong.
Let’s talk about it.
The Rise (lol) of Phallic Humor
Let’s not pretend this is new. History is filled with men drawing dicks on bathroom stalls, in the margins of textbooks, or — for reasons unknown — on foggy car windows during long road trips. It’s like some primal urge coded into the male DNA: must eat, must sleep, must draw penis.
But the laser pointer evolution? That’s next-level.
Now your average Danny McBride fan (because let’s be real, this is his demographic) can hold what looks like a glow-in-the-dark Vienna sausage and project its light across the room, all while yelling “PEW PEW” like they’re part of the world’s worst sci-fi reboot.
It’s dumb. It’s hilarious. It’s juvenile.
And yet… it’s oddly fascinating.
Freud Is Rolling In His Grave
If Sigmund Freud were alive today, he’d probably have a panic attack after five minutes on Reddit. But if he had to interpret the “penis laser pointer,” I imagine he’d say something like:
“Zis device is ze ultimate projection of ze ego — literally and metaphorically.”
And he wouldn’t be wrong.
Because this isn’t just about pointing things. It’s about pointing with things. Specifically, a comically exaggerated symbol of masculinity, now paired with the precision and intensity of a laser beam. It’s the marriage of testosterone and tech, juvenile glee and targeted accuracy.
The penis laser pointer is not just a tool. It’s a statement.
A bold, shiny, plastic statement that says:
“I have the sense of humor of a 13-year-old and access to Amazon Prime.”
The Danny McBride Effect
You can’t talk about absurd masculinity without invoking the spirit of Danny McBride — king of chaotic, loud, overly-confident characters who somehow manage to be lovable despite being completely awful.
He doesn’t just play guys — he plays GUYS. You know, the type who own four grills and a dune buggy but forget their kid’s birthday every year. The kind who would absolutely use a penis-shaped laser pointer during a Zoom meeting and call it “team-building.”
McBride’s characters are walking parodies of American masculinity, and honestly, they might be closer to reality than we’d like to admit.
If he hasn’t already included one of these laser pointers in an episode of The Righteous Gemstones, give it time.
Dick Jokes Are Forever
Let’s face it: society is obsessed with dicks.
Not in a sexy way. In a “haha look at that thing” kind of way.
Every Jackass movie has at least ten scenes involving penises doing things they absolutely should not be doing. Steve-O once shot fireworks from his. That same man now sells hot sauce and hosts a podcast. Truly, anything is possible.
But the prevalence of this humor says something important: we laugh because we’re uncomfortable. We make jokes because we don’t know what else to do.
The penis, in all its strange glory, is both the symbol of power and punchline. It’s funny because it’s vulnerable. It’s absurd because we take it so seriously. And in that, it’s kind of poetic.
You know… in a veiny, giggly sort of way.
When Light Meets Identity
All joking aside (for a moment), the idea of projecting masculinity through an actual beam of light is fascinating.
Think about it.
A penis-shaped laser pointer is a microcosm of how some men feel the need to perform masculinity — loudly, visibly, often ridiculously. It’s not enough to be a man. You have to show it. Literally. In PowerPoint meetings. With lasers.
There’s something tragic about that, underneath the humor.
So much of masculinity today is performative. Big trucks. Loud voices. Weird gym selfies. Crypto bros yelling “LFG” while losing their life savings in Dogecoin.
Sometimes, it takes a $12 novelty item to remind us how silly all of this really is.
But Also… I Kinda Want One
Listen. I’m not above it.
If someone handed me a penis-shaped laser pointer and dared me to use it to click through slides during a parent-teacher conference, I’d absolutely consider it. I’d probably name it. Something like “Laser Shafticus.”
Because sometimes, you just have to lean in. Laugh at the ridiculousness. Own the absurdity.
Life is short. Batteries die. Project while you can.
Final Thoughts: Shine Responsibly
Here’s the thing: the penis laser pointer isn’t changing the world. It’s not solving climate change. It’s not ending wars.
But it is reminding us that the world is weird and wonderful and very, very funny.
It’s also a mirror — not a flattering one — of how we, as a society, relate to masculinity, humor, and the never-ending quest for attention.
So if you’re reading this and considering buying one… go ahead. Just promise me you’ll use your powers for good.
Maybe to annoy your cat. Or disrupt your friend’s wedding vows. Or, if you’re feeling brave, during your next boardroom presentation titled “Synergizing KPI Metrics for FY25.”
Because if we can’t laugh at life — and our own appendage-shaped gadgets — what’s the point?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an Amazon cart to clear out.
10 External Links You Should (Probably) Regret Clicking:
- Penis Laser Pointer on Amazon
- Danny McBride IMDb
- Why Men Draw Dicks – Psychology Today
- Steve-O’s Craziest Jackass Stunts
- History of the Laser Pointer
- The Righteous Gemstones on HBO
- Toxic Masculinity Explained
- Best Cat Toys – Including Laser Pointers
- Freud’s Theories – Britannica
- Gag Gifts That Make You Question Humanity
